Chapter Thirteen: Darling! Give Him Everything You've Got!

“You’re putting on makeup?” Chen Weiguo’s interest was piqued. “How are you doing it?”

“Could you lend me a looser short-sleeved shirt? And a pair of work pants, too.”

Hearing Lin Ze’s request, Chen Weiguo had no idea what he was up to.

Lin Ze whispered conspiratorially to Xiao Qian, “I’m going to put on makeup. Don’t come in.”

With Lin Ze acting so secretive, not only were Chen Weiguo and his wife in the dark, even the viewers in the livestream had no clue what he was planning.

[Oh? Brother Lin’s got a secret? What could it be that even we brothers can’t know?]
[Is Brother Lin going to dress up as an old man?]
[Why not say he’ll dress up as an old lady?]

There weren’t any clothes in Lin Ze’s size at home, so Chen Weiguo ran to the village to borrow some for him.

The top was an oversized short-sleeved shirt, and the pants were a pair of old school uniform trousers.

Both pieces were so worn they’d faded, but Chen Weiguo brought them to Lin Ze’s door.

A moment later, an aged hand extended from inside the room.

[???]
[What’s going on here? Is Brother Lin hiding an old lover? Does his wife know?]

Chen Weiguo stared in shock, and before long, Lin Ze emerged from the room.

He wore a mask on his face, his back was hunched, his arms were loose-skinned, and his hands were covered in a dense web of wrinkles.

The upper half of his face was creased with wrinkles, and the only giveaway was that his eyes remained as bright as ever.

[Ha ha, even Teacher Chen is stunned—he can’t say a word.]
[This is Lin Ze? No way, where did all those wrinkles come from?]
[Looks just like it! Really, the only problem is Brother Lin’s a bit tall for the part.]

Chen Weiguo took a deep breath. “You… you look ten years older than me now.”

“Heh heh.” Lin Ze hooked his arm through Chen Weiguo’s. “Let’s go surprise Aunt Bai.”

Chen Weiguo was now in the mood for mischief too. “No way, you’re too tall. The way you’re holding my arm looks strange.”

Lin Ze cleared his throat and, after a few tries, managed to change his voice into a woman’s—then lowered it further until it sounded like an old lady’s.

“Weiguo…”

Chen Weiguo’s lips twitched.

[Chen Weiguo: Save me!]
[Chen Weiguo: Get away from me!]
[This is killing me—Brother Lin can do voice acting too?]

Mustering his courage, Chen Weiguo took Lin Ze’s hand.

That’s when he noticed the wrinkles were a bit stiff.

“Glue,” Lin Ze explained at the right moment. “Be careful, don’t rub it off.”

“……”

Chen Weiguo led the trembling Lin Ze downstairs.

After just a few steps, Chen Weiguo realized Lin Ze’s acting was really something. If he hadn’t known in advance, he’d have thought this was just a very tall old lady.

He had the air and mannerisms down perfectly.

At the door, Bai Qiong and Su Zitan turned at the sound of footsteps from the stairs.

“What kind of makeup is Xiao Lin putting on? He’s been at it for ages…” Bai Qiong was clearly taken aback and asked hesitantly, “Xiao Lin?”

Su Zitan was beside herself with laughter. “Whose grandma shrank in old age but is still six feet tall?”

Lin Ze straightened up in resignation. “Nothing I can do about that, but from a distance, no one should notice.”

“Um…” Xiao Qian spoke up. “Director Zhang says Zhao Funing and Pei Xue are almost here. If you want to finish your prank, you’d better hurry.”

“Coming, coming, let’s go!” they both called, grabbing straw hats and heading outside.

Next door, a neighbor had just come home and was unlocking the door when he turned to see a six-foot-tall old lady striding briskly away.

Bai Qiong shook her head in exasperation. “Men—no matter how old they get, they’re still children.”

The two hurried to the field, discussing their next moves along the way.

Xiao Qian had already hidden the camera in a battered old schoolbag and would film from the fields.

“From now on I’m your wife,” Lin Ze said. “Let’s pretend to recognize them, and tell them we want to act in the movie too. If they brush us off, you tell them to let me show them my skills.”

“Deal!”

The two quickly settled on their plan. Just then, a production crew van pulled up at the village entrance.

They watched as a couple got out—Zhao Funing, suitcase in hand, looked up at the sky as if judging whether to use an umbrella.

Their cameraman backed up, and the camera swept over the two “elderly” figures in the field.

“Celebrities, dear,” Lin Ze nudged Chen Weiguo.

“Who? Which celebrity?” Chen Weiguo dodged Lin Ze’s hand.

“That guy—he was in ‘The Men of the Grand Courtyard.’”

Lin Ze waved to Zhao Funing. “Young man! Young man!”

Zhao Funing noticed Lin Ze and turned. “What is it, Auntie?”

“You’re that actor, aren’t you? The one who played Laifu in ‘The Men of the Grand Courtyard’?”

“Yes, yes, Auntie, my name’s Zhao Funing.”

“It really is you?” Chen Weiguo walked over too. “I heard the Chen family’s been filming here these days. Are you here for that?”

“We’re filming a variety show, Uncle, Auntie,” Pei Xue said with a smile.

Pei Xue had acted in a couple of films herself, though only for fun—her main profession was as an entrepreneur.

Their situation was a bit like Lin Ze and Su Zitan’s.

“Ah…” Lin Ze dusted his hands. “Can I join in? I want to be a star too.”

“Heh, Auntie, you…” Zhao Funing scratched his head, searching for a gentle way to refuse.

“My wife is amazing,” Chen Weiguo chimed in.

“Ah, Uncle, the thing is, it’s not about how amazing someone is…” Pei Xue tried to be tactful.

“Wife! Show them what you can do!” Chen Weiguo cut her off.

Lin Ze pressed his straw hat in place and did a one-handed forward flip right onto the road.

“Oh my god, Auntie!” Zhao Funing was so startled he nearly fell over.

The comments exploded with excitement.

[Hahahaha!]
[Brother Lin, you’re incredible!]
[Come on, wife, show them your stuff!]

Lin Ze theatrically massaged his back.

Pei Xue, startled, hurried to help. “Careful, Auntie…”

“Go on, wife, do another one,” Chen Weiguo said, tipping his chin.

Lin Ze sidestepped Pei Xue’s hand, then pulled off a backflip, followed by a Thomas windmill spin on the ground, then a headspin.

The couple had been about to intervene, but when the “old lady’s” shirt rode up during the headspin, it revealed eight sculpted abs.

“….”

They were speechless.

“Hahahaha…” Chen Weiguo roared with laughter.

The barrage of laughter in the comments was endless.

Not just here—the other livestream rooms were filled with laughter too.

[Go to Lin Ze’s stream! I can’t breathe!]
[Teacher Chen Weiguo and Lin Ze are hilarious.]
[Brother Lin’s abs look amazing. I’m jealous.]

Zhao Funing and Pei Xue could only greet them with helpless smiles.

“Lin Ze, Lin Ze, at last I meet you,” Zhao Funing said, gripping Lin Ze’s hand tightly. “I’ve admired you from afar for so long!”