Volume One: The Wild Child Chapter Seventy-Four: The Ideological Education of Mount Si

“I’m afraid I won’t make it. It’s all up to you now.” Guo Huai managed a bitter smile, his expression full of grief as he looked at Qiu An, who sat calmly, deep in concentration.

Qiu An opened his eyes, a trace of helplessness in his voice. “General, even with my abilities, I doubt I’ll last much longer.”

Guo Huai, remembering that they were both enduring the same hardship, tried to comfort him softly. “At least you’re from a noble family—unlike us, born brigands who took to the hills. I’m lucky to know a handful of characters at all, and yet that heartless fat man insists I write a two-thousand-word essay on my reflections. Doesn’t everyone know that I, Ma Hui, have been robbing and pillaging since I was a boy? To use the trendy terms from the Central Lands, I’m a first-generation northern bandit, the kind who’d build an empire with nothing but a rifle and bravado. If word of this gets out, how will I ever command respect again? That fat man—he’s like an old eunuch tossed into a widow’s village, just here to make our lives miserable!”

Qiu An shook his head, picked up a thin sheet of paper, and said with a wry smile, “General, you don’t know the half of it. I may come from a great family, but all I was taught growing up were rituals and etiquette. In their words, I’m pure humanities, but that damned fat man claims my temperament is lacking and torments me with science problems. He’s going to be the death of me!”

Guo Huai sneaked a look at Qiu An’s paper, but it all looked like gibberish to him anyway, no different from a book written in some forgotten tongue.

“It’s nothing. Really, the way they handle prisoners on Mount Si is odd. No beatings, no torture, just endless ‘thought reform.’ Even if you can’t do it, what’s the worst that could happen? They won’t kill you over it. Look at this—‘Year Three Physics Exam.’ Clearly, there are two lower levels before this, so there’s no shame in not getting it right.”

Qiu An nodded, but doubt soon crept onto his face. “That may be, but you can never be too careful. What’s on this paper is no simple matter. After a short while, my head’s spinning and I feel completely drained. But if I put it aside, I get this itch—I can’t resist. I fear there really is some strange sorcery at work on Mount Si.”

Guo Huai’s eye twitched. Perhaps that fat man was right and Qiu An did have some kind of mental affliction.

After all, for a northern bandit—one who faced life and death with a laugh and refused to yield—what sense was there in torturing oneself with pointless science problems?

The man they had been cursing for so long was, of course, Kui Sheng, the infamous architect of the “Literacy Campaign” that had left all of Mount Si wailing in misery.

Guo Huai and Qiu An, who had grumbled inwardly for days, at last let loose all their complaints, and their glances toward each other softened, as if cursing the same enemy had made them brothers in arms.

“Speaking of which, I’ve recently learned a new saying—‘verbal swords and tongue spears.’ Just imagine what kind of extraordinary person could turn his tongue into such a weapon. Open his mouth and people would drop dead, I bet. If I ever get the chance, I’ll visit the Central Lands and see these wonders for myself.”

Qiu An couldn’t help but smile, but instead of correcting Guo Huai, he responded with mock seriousness, “Ah, General, you may not know this, but ‘verbal swords and tongue spears’ aren’t all that impressive. The real skill lies in the companions of such people.”

“Oh? What do you mean?”

“Think about it. If a woman has that kind of gift of gab, the best she can do is help her husband vent his frustrations. But if it’s a man who’s mastered such a tongue, come nightfall, what ordinary wife could endure it?”

Guo Huai clutched his belly, laughing. “If you’d dropped your airs sooner, with your ‘verbal swords and tongue spears’ skills, you’d be my second-in-command by now. So, by your logic, the legendary ‘golden spear never falls’ is all down to a silver tongue!”

At that, both men laughed so hard they nearly choked, making faces at each other, utterly oblivious to the moment Kui Sheng had appeared behind them.

“You two seem to be getting along. Get yourselves together—the Commander wants to see you. It might just be a stroke of luck.”

Kui Sheng and Qiu An exchanged bewildered glances, rooted to the spot, unable to guess what new scheme was afoot.

...

Lin Changtian frowned, passing the letter back to Liu Qingshan. As he watched the man bowing deeply before him, he spoke in a slow, chilly tone, imbued with the authority of Mount Si’s master—a tone that left no room for doubt: “You are, after all, one of Ma Hui’s subordinates—the infamous trio of the North. There’s no need for such humility. Stand up and speak.”

The man straightened, flashing a bright smile.

“Commander Lin, the letter spells it out plainly. From now on, the Weinan Mountain Pass will belong to Mount Si. Please release the soldiers captured in this campaign so I can bring them back to report to Lord Ma Hui. But, as envoy, there’s something I must make clear. The decision to cede Weinan Mountain to you wasn’t made by my lord alone. It was a consensus among the three northern warlords. You see, the northern passes are in a prime location, connecting all four regions, but the land itself is worthless—like a chicken’s rib, not worth fighting over, yet the three of us have wasted so much effort on it. So in the end, our lords decided to just pawn it off on someone else and be done with it.”

He tucked both hands into his sleeves, feigning timidity before the generals in the tent. Yet he emphasized “three northern warlords,” as if to hide a message within—mocking and disdainful: Mount Si is but a speck, and its master only rides the tide of fortune. In truth, he has little claim to call those who rule the entire north mere bandits.

Of course, he was also making it clear: don’t think you can order me around. Outside Mount Si, you’ll still rely on us.

“What now? You make the mess and want others to clean it up? Does the North look like a bunch of fools to you?”

Lin Changtian narrowed his eyes. The generals at his side drew their swords with a steely clatter. The envoy only smiled more brightly.

“You’re right. Whether you want it is your own affair, but whether you can keep it is no longer just your concern. Things on Mount Si have been turned upside down, I’d say thanks to your own ambitions. Since there’s now a seat open at the table, you’d best bring your stake and join the game. After all, from time immemorial, a table missing its fourth player is always a letdown.”

Lin Changtian ignored him and turned to Liu Qingshan with a smile. “See? All the years you’ve played Go with me, and what do the northerners play? Four-player military chess! Explain that, if you can.”

Liu Qingshan shook his head, pretending ignorance, but there was a glimmer of hope in his cloudy eyes, wishing Lin Changtian would spell things out.

“That’s why the North is full of bandits. What’s the use reasoning with hooligans? Best to set your own rules. Master Liu, maybe a few rounds of Dou Dizhu would suit their taste better.”

“Oh? And what logic is that, Commander Lin?” The envoy withdrew his hands from his sleeves, clasping them behind his back, pressing them over the dagger at his waist.

Lin Changtian stood, letting his fur cloak fall onto the chair, raising a cloud of dust. “There are simply too many people in the North. What I mean is, your lord would do best to bow out.”

...

“Changtian, I’ve brought you your two blockheads. Never mind that they can’t solve a third-year physics problem, but when asked for a reflection essay, all they talk about is stealing chickens and getting thrashed by their parents as kids. They even claim it was their first foray into banditry, setting them on a path of no return. What are you snickering at? You really are a genius—can barely read your own name but you sure know how to brag!”

...

Qiu An couldn’t help but smile as Guo Huai was roundly scolded by Kui Sheng. So that’s how you started your criminal career, eh? But when Guo Huai shot him a murderous glare, he quickly suppressed his laughter, his face contorting in embarrassment.

Lin Changtian waved a hand, apparently uninterested. “Take them back. The negotiations with Ma Hui’s envoy have collapsed. I just sent him packing—there will likely be war again soon.” Kui Sheng was surprised, but seeing Liu Qingshan gesturing frantically, he obediently replied, “Yes, sir.”

“Wait.” Lin Changtian stopped Kui Sheng just as he was about to leave, and spoke slowly, “Since these two have both contributed to banditry since childhood, let’s at least treat them well for now. When the time comes, we’ll sacrifice them to rally the troops!”

Qiu An: What?!

“Great Commander, I come from a noble family. Circumstances forced me to take to the hills—heaven knows, I can’t be compared to that troublemaker who’s been a delinquent since birth!”

Guo Huai’s look was mournful. So much for the ship of friendship—overturned in a blink. The old saying is true: scholars are the most heartless.

But he was no hero, either. Eyes darting, Guo Huai decided to sell out Qiu An completely.

“There’s something you should look into—this lad is indeed from a great family, the most legitimate line. Let me put it plainly: as long as he remains on Mount Si, Ma Hui’s forces wouldn’t dare set foot past Weinan Mountain!”

“Oh?” Lin Changtian straightened, a sly smile on his lips. “I knew Ma Hui wasn’t up to anything good. So this boy is the illegitimate son of Ma Hui and some noble lady? Was Ma Hui once a servant who had an affair with some disgraced second wife? Is that why he turned outlaw?”

Guo Huai was stunned. If this were a women’s serial, that plot would be worth hundreds of thousands of words! He twitched at the corners of his mouth, finally replying slowly, “There might be something like that, but it’s got nothing to do with Qiu An. His mother once did Lord Ma Hui a great favor, that’s all…”

“Wait,” Guo Huai thought, sensing trouble. Seeing the eager, gossip-fueled gleam in everyone’s eyes, he realized he might have stumbled onto a scandalous secret.

Qiu An’s smile froze. Guo Huai had just taught him a new phrase.

This was what you’d call “a father from thin air.”

On his knees in the dust, and his father falls from the sky.